Having never thought about it or even imagined it, when my sister died a few weeks ago I realized my sister was my tether to this place. She was always there, and according to her I was here because she wished me here. She was my first friend, my first foe, my first peer, my guiding light, the first bad and the first good influence in my life. But my sister CayDee was the strong one…the one who took all the worst blows so I never had to. She loved me unconditionally through every version of me. She loved the me’s I tried on that failed and succeeded; the ones that became who I am and even the tragic personas I tried to force and abandoned; all the while, she was by my side loving me and protecting me in every way she could. In very deep ways, she was my identity here; my proof I was not alone, not a mistake and as many times as she called me weird, she was the only one who saw clearly my worth… always. I am alone now. I suppose I will unearth another version of me that learns to survive without her. But the one thing I know for certain, it will be a better version of me than the one I was before she left me here alone to sort it out. She taught me that.